kvetchin’ and kvellin’

As it turns out, if you want people to read your blog, you have to read theirs. Further still you have to comment and link back to your own. Now that it is nearly obligatory that everyone with a computer has a blog, it’s not really all that easy to develop a blog community, or rather to jump into an existing one. So a big hello to like all 20 of you out there who may or may not read this. Thanks for obliging me. And I promise that as soon as I get around to remembering to find what new feed reader I uploaded (downloaded? Oh hell that screws with my pretty little mind) the blogs I read to, I will return the favour by regularly (okay semi-regularly) reading your blogs too.

I am writing! Lots! Just not posting it. Some of it’s even quite good! But, I keep getting hung up. I get half way into a really meaty story and then I get lost in the deep murky waters and I can’t figure out how it wants to end. I just sit there staring at the page, waiting for the rest to come upon me like a flood.

I think some level of this is brought on by distraction. I cannot seem to find more than an hour a day, once or twice a week to write, outside of Sunday.  At this point in my busy life I have a lot of balls to juggle and I can’t squeak out any more time than that during the day. If I stay up late to write my mind simply curls up and goes to sleep without me. If I get up early, it wakes the baby who also gets up early and who then wakes up all the other kids with his silly squeals and fusses, and damn if those kids don’t expect breakfast every single morning.

Secondarily I think sleep is vital to creative writing. Conversely severe insomnia is great for poetry. But it seems I’m stuck right dead in the middle with being just plain old under-slept.

From a mothering standpoint, I am in the thick of my best mothering years. I’m neither a newbie mom, nor an empty-nester, and I love my little ducklings so dearly. They are such cool little beings! I especially love having both a baby and a teenager. It’s the best! I don’t even remember my life before motherhood.

From a writer’s standpoint I can’t stop thinking about all I’m missing and how behind I am in just about every area. I mourn the loss of my own time. I pine for the freedom to have a little more breathing room in my life. Jealously and resentment are battles I fight every day as I see my friends becoming published left and right in this journal and that blog. Let’s not even mention books! How will I ever finish a book?

And… now the baby is awake. Such is life!

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