Crazy-making Heart

Heartbreak will make you sleep for hours more than any human ever should need to and stay awake longer than anyone ever should be able to.

Heartbreak will make you cook for hours at a time but not let you eat a single bite.

Heartbreak will make you stand outside someone’s house just waiting. Hoping you’ll see them walk out and catch their eye. And that they will meet your gaze and come running back to you… Even though you know it will never happen.

Heartbreak will make you drive to the gas station and sit in the parking lot for hours just because the last time you remember truly feeling happiness was in that very same spot.

Heart break will make you needy and messy and annoy the shit out of everyone around you.

Heartbreak will make you spontaneously burst into sobs over dinner because the taste brings back a long forgotten memory you want to either relive or never have lived to begin with.

Heartbreak makes you rethink eveything you have ever done or said or thought or wished for.

Heartbreak makes you regret you’re whole life in one single moment.

Heartbreak makes you obsessively think about how to stop obsessively thinking.

Heartbreak makes you angry and mean and bitter inside.

Heartbreak makes your heart feel so full of sorrow that you can’t imagine there will ever be anything in it but that.

Heartbreak makes you weak and wobbly. It makes your arms seem heavy and your steps seem shorter.

Heartbreak makes you want to run away from everything, especially yourself.

Heartbreak makes you sit in the porch and smoke half a pack in one sitting until you develop a headache so bad that you can justify the pain you’re in.

Heartbreak makes you want to break someone else’s heart and someone else’s trust and someone else’s mind.

Heartbreak makes you want to be anyone and anywhere but you and here.

Heartbreak makes you cry ugly.

Heartbreak makes you say things so cruel just so someone else feels as shitty as you do. Because you don’t want to be alone in that feeling anymore.

Heartbreak looks like puffy, red-rimmed eyes and long sleeves. Like hoodies and avoidant glances. Like sweat pants and slippers and bathrobes.

Heartbreak makes you smell like hot tea and Benedryl. Like greasy hair and unwashed clothes.

Heartbreak gives you bed-head all day long.

Heartbreak makes you suddenly aware of every heartbeat you’ve ever taken for granted.

Heartbreak makes you wish you didn’t have a heart so that it could never have been broken.

Heartbreak makes you a crazy.

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2 thoughts on “Crazy-making Heart

  1. 😦 it is for sure all of those things. I fucking hate February and it’s incessant reminder that you’re supposed to be in a happy lovey relationship to feel important.

    Like

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